Eulogy [Drabble]

eulogy |ˈjuːlədʒi|

noun (pl.eulogies)

a speech or piece of writing that praises someone or something highly, especially a tribute to someone who has just died

*

Kei chuckled to herself when the dots of rain begin to pour outside, since this morning the sky was already so dark and the hanging cloud just waited themselves to dropped the water they stored. It was so glommy, everyone’s wearing black, it’s really like scene from sad movie or video clip about tragic song.

Everything was so fit. The sad and pain feeling were everywhere.

And like everyone, Kei mourned for her friend who died in the accident yesterday. She tired of crying, tired of wailing, tired of asking, why, why her friend, why her dear friend who practically grew up together with her taken away from her life just as easy yet so painful as this. 

But she’s her favourite person, her lovely bestfriend, so here she was, in her black dress which she bought months ago with this bestfriend of her, sat on this wodden chair between her parents and hers, waiting her time to read her eulogy she wrote last night.

*

“She loves rain, when we were kids, we used to danced and played under the rain, I’m not so into it, honestly, but well, she did and I just kinda tagged along with her. So I think, she must be feel happy now, because yeah…it’s raining, yup…” Kei blinked her eyes, tried to stop her tears, she holds the yellow paper in her hand dearly, and breathed. “She’s a good friend of mine, one of the best if not the bestest. She’s that one friend who always remember others birthday and then remind everyone, the one who always there to picked up her phone even on strange hours and listened everything we talked about, the one who always so brave and strong, always have answer to every questions we asked.”

The mixture of rain sounds and sobs fullfilled this funeral room, and Kei really tried so hard not to choked herself, she need to read eveything clearly, she need to make sure every human who listen to her right now, know what kind of person her bestfriend was.  

“We know each other since five, I talked to her first when she sat alone in our kindergarten classroom years ago, and from then, the rest is history or should I say now..was memories ? Well, we’re always together till middle school, I still remember the day when we got into different high school, how unsure we were about our friendship, I slept in her home that night, we chatted till night, we’re so afraid, yes, but then she grabbed my hand and told me that everything would be okay, no matter what, we would still be bestfriend, soulmate to each other. So I trust her, I always trust her, she always know, she knows everything.”

“And I always think, I know her too, untill..last night..” without realized, tears already streamed down her face badly, “..last night I slept in her room again after a long time, I hugged her pillow, was hiding under her blanket, I was in my office when the news came to me, and I guess, I just want to dennied it for a while. I wait her, to came home, to got to her room, to went to her bed, but..ofcourse she didn’t. So I cried, and mad, and gone wild, till I found her diary..”

Kei openned her black clutch which she put on table in front of her, then from inside she grabbed a small book with pink flower as a cover. “Hai, my name is Ash, and I’m a good pretender, who really tired with life lately..” this time Kei failed and choked to her own tears, her voice sounds so scratchy and rough, but she didn’t care, so she tried again, “I have a good life, I guess ? My family is so lovely, I have best friend who really love me, a coworker who always good to me. But, why I feel so hollow ? This emptyness make me confuse, and honestly starting to make me scared. Sometimes I feel so okay, so fine, but then when I try to sleep at night my insomnia will prevent me, and suddenly I feel pain, it hurts, hurt so much. Everyone around me always said, I’m a good person, a good daughter to my parents, a good younger sister to my siblings, a good friends to my peers, but honestly those compliments suffocating me, without I realized I start to do what everyone expect me to do, I don’t even know if I love my job now or not, my life suddenly just about responsibility and to satisfy others wish, does everyone’s life like this to ? Or..just me ? What if, I don’t want to be good person ? It’s tiring, so exhausting. How to stop it ? I’m not ok, and I want to be ok, I want to be happy because my own happiness make me happy. I don’t want to be second best anymore, for once I want to be priority, just because I always here and there for everyone doesn’t mean they could take me for granted. Maybe I always know everything, always strong, always being nice. But..it’s hard, oke ? Someone, please, look me into eyes, don’t ask everything, just..hug me, please ? I need it, I need hug, I need to feel assured that I’m worth it, that…I’m…not…here just for being…supportive…character…in…everyone…life…” 

After all the crying she did last night, she thought she couldn’t really cry anymore, untill two older brothers of Ash stood beside her, right and left, tears rolled down their cheeks, and they grabbed her body when blackness appeared on her glassy eyes.

*

It’s raining again, like two weeks ago, Kei still loyal with her black clothes, under her black umbrella, she crouched down, and put the pink carnation she brought on top white marble with her bestfriend name written on it.

“Hey Ash, are you happy ? Please always be happy…you said your life was about to satisfy others wish, so..I really wish you’re happy right now…”

END.

Uhm, honestly I never confident with my english skill, especially my grammar, but lately I have a lot of things in my mind and I need to release it, I think. So yeah, this is it, hope anyone who randomly read this could enjoy this, thankyou!